How to Decide if Being a Stay at Home Mom is Right for You

How to Decide if You Should be a Stay at Home Mom

Deciding to be a stay at home mom is a big decision, and one not to be taken lightly! There are so many factors at play when it comes to deciding to change your family dynamic. Today I’m talking about how to decide if you should be a stay at home mom. 

Why do Women Become Stay at Home Moms?

There are a number of reasons why women choose to stay home with their children. Maybe it is something they always envisioned for themselves. Perhaps it makes the most financial sense. Maybe they had every intention of going back to work after maternity leave but changed their minds once they were with their baby. 

Whatever the reason, most stay at home moms have to ask themselves some hard questions before doing so. So let’s talk about those questions. 

What are the Benefits of Being a Stay at Home Mom?

There are the obvious answers like: I’ll get to spend time with my kids. I’ll get to watch them grow. I can do the chores so we actually get to spend time together on the weekends as a family. 

But do you know yourself well enough to know if you’ll become resentful of your husband leaving the house everyday? Do you have open communication about how you’ll get a break when you’re overwhelmed? Does your husband see it as ‘our money’ versus ‘his money that you’re using’? 

Some benefits to being a stay at home mom are:

• Being able to make your own schedule
• Having a designated person to cover childcare, appointments and other household tasks
• Being able to see your child grow and learn daily
• Controlling the flow of your home
• Being able to clean regularly (some see this as a con!)
• A sense of fulfillment in the work you are doing (some may feel the opposite)
• Being there for moments big and small in your child’s life

What are the Negative Consequences of Being a Stay at Mom Home?

Will it affect your ability to pay your bills on time? We will discuss this one more in a minute. 

I suggest making a list of pros and cons (because YES there are cons to being a stay at home mom) to see whether staying home actually benefits your family. 

Some negatives can be:

• Burnout
• No social network (for mom)
• Long distance or non-involved family members
• Limited access to enrichment (do you live in the middle of nowhere?)
• Boredom
• Loss of self

Below, we’re going to talk about how to combat some of the negatives. 

Can You Afford It?

This is usually the biggest obstacle to staying home with your child. These days, life is expensive. Can you manage your responsibilities on one income? Check out this post about living on one income for ideas. 

What are Some Other Barriers to Becoming a SAHM?

Does your family only have one vehicle? If so, how will you get around with your little one while dad is at work? Will you drop him off each morning and pick him up in the afternoon? Are you close enough to a grocery store that you could walk there safely? What about doctor’s appointments? Would you need to purchase a second vehicle in order to make it work?

Do you have family or friends that look down on (or have a “must be nice” attitude towards) stay at home moms? Does your husband work out of town for extended periods of time? Thus making you a solo parent? Are you in a rural area that lacks activities for young children? Are your bills too high to afford staying home right now? Consider downsizing or moving to a lower cost of living area in order to make it work if that is what you want.

How Will You Combat the Isolation?

Being a stay at home mom can be lonely. You spend all day talking (or not) to small people with big emotions. Having another adult to reach out to can be so helpful. Whether it is another mom, your Highschool girlfriends, or Instagram besties, having someone to talk to (especially if it is not about your kiddo) is important.

Do You Have a Strong Support Network?

Do you have family or friends nearby that can help if you have an emergency? Or even just to watch the baby for a date night once in a while? Do you trust your neighbor to watch your house if you have to be away for a few days? Assess your network and your needs. 

What is Your Plan if Your Spouse Loses Their Job? 

Although I have a degree, it would take time to find a job in my field after so much time off. If my husband were to lose his job, I would start applying for jobs in my field (and he would apply in his). I would also apply for as many waitressing/bartending  jobs as possible because 1: I have experience in that field from college and 2: a restaurant is much more likely to hire quickly so that we can continue to pay our bills without interruption.

Look into making a plan to make ends meet while your husband is out of work.

I also think it is important to have an emergency fund in place so that you still have access to money in the interim between incomes. This gives me so much peace of mind.

Will Staying Home Jeopardize Your Career if You Want to Resume Working Later On?

The short answer is Most Likely. Taking an extended time off of work can leave gaps in your resume and holes in your knowledge of workplace current events. Many women report feeling scatterbrained after returning to work because their time that was formerly focused solely on work is split after the baby arrives.

If you currently work in a child-friendly environment, congrats! Ask coworkers with children how it went for them and listen without rose-colored glasses. While it may seem ideal, you will still be expected to do your job even though you have a child.

You can also look into whether or not your employer has onsite childcare or provides support for new parents. 

How Will Your Relationship Change?

It is important to be aware of how staying home with your children may impact your relationship with your husband. Will he be more stressed because he is the sole provider? Will you take on the bulk of the housework, or will you share tasks more evenly?

With a more limited income, will you be able to afford date nights? How will you communicate what you need in your new role? Being able to communicate with your partner is important for any relationship, but this is new territory for you, so be sure to be open and honest about what you need. 

Should You Become a Stay at Home Mom?

The short answer is: it depends. Weigh the pros and cons and have open, frank, discussions with your spouse about what needs to happen in order for you to stay at home, and what needs to happen after you start staying home. 

I chose to stay home because it is what worked best for our family. I love being with my son every day, and cannot imagine missing it. My husband and I spent several years paying off debt and working in our careers towards the goal of me being able to stay home with our babies. It took a lot of time, effort, and dedication to do so. 

If this is truly what you want, you can find a way to make it work. This may mean working part time on the weekends while your husband has the kids, or alternating childcare with a part time job. You can also look into working opposite shifts as your husband. For example, if he works a 9-5, can you swing a bartending job from 6-11? Look into cutting back on expenses as another way to make ends meet if you would like to stay home. You can find more ideas in this post on saving money around the house.

Making the decision to become a stay at home mom can be life changing in many ways, so be sure to really think it through. Are you a stay at home mom? I would love to hear about your decision making process!