17 Ways to be Nice to Your Spouse

17 Ways to be Nice to Your Spouse

I have a confession. I’ve been struggling for a while. There’s been a lot going on behind the scenes and I’ve been overwhelmed pretty consistently for the past couple months. 

My body has been overwhelmed between stomach bugs, multiple sinus infections, and hormone fluctuations that make me overly tired and irritable. 

My husband and I are trying to have another baby with little success. We are also researching and planning to try and build our forever home. It feels like my to-do list is never ending and we don’t have much down time. 

My dog continues to have allergic reactions to something we’ve yet to figure out, and there have been several deaths in our extended family. 

All of these things and more have contributed to, quite frankly, a really crappy attitude on my part. I’ve been moody and impatient with both my husband and my toddler. So when my husband came to me and told me that I just haven’t been very nice lately, it broke my heart. 

So today, I’m committing to being nice. In the way I speak, and my actions. Today I want to talk about ways to be nice to your spouse. You may be feeling overwhelmed like I have, or maybe you just want to show your partner how appreciated they are. Perhaps you’re feeling distant after having a baby. Whatever the case, let’s talk about how to be nice to your spouse. 

Thank Him for His Actions

Did your husband take the time to fix a leaking pipe, thereby saving you hundreds of dollars on a plumber? Thank him for taking the time. Did he take over nightly duties so mom could have some alone time? Say thanks. 

Acknowledge How Hard He Works

Moms work hard, we all know that. But being the breadwinner can be thankless in its own way. Your husband is expected to provide, but have you taken the time to appreciate everything he does? 

Actively Listen When They Speak

Sometimes my husband and I can get into a rhythm of just responding with what we think the answer is going to be, rather than actively listening. Take the time to maintain eye contact, put down the phone, and hear what your spouse has to say. 

Plan an Impromptu Date at Home 

What better way to be nice to your spouse than by planning a special evening together. I’ve got a fantastic list of at home date ideas for when you can’t get a sitter. 

Give a Gift 

Tthis doesn’t have to be a new car or fancy watch. Grab their favorite candy bar when grocery shopping. Pick up a shirt/board game/house plant/etc… you think they’d really like. 

Take Something Off His List

Do you recall your spouse recently venting about how they couldn’t find the  time to get a certain errand done? Do it for them. Get the oil changed, pick up the dry cleaning, or mow the lawn if it helps ease their load. 

Ask About Their Job

 I know as a stay at home mom, my days can feel monotonous. But I still want to talk about it! Sometimes sharing something my toddler did to make me laugh is enough to make me feel seen and heard. Your partner’s job as an accountant may not be very exciting, but he spends hours each day dedicated to it, so ask about it. Let him know you care enough to ask. 

Follow Through 

If your spouse requests something (making an appointment or making a specific meal), acknowledge them by following through on their request. 

Make a Card 

Have your kiddo make a card for daddy and write a heartfelt message on it. Or make a card solely from you. I enjoy receiving hand written cards, because I have something to look back on later. 

Pay Attention to Your Tone

When we were younger, my husband was an athletic coach, and he could get stuck using his ‘coach voice’, and when I was also using my ‘teacher voice’ it led to a lot of arguments. We had to learn to soften our tones and treat each other kindly. 

I can get so caught up in getting stuff done that my ‘teacher voice’ takes over. This tone is great when I need to show authority get my kid to listen. It’s not so great when it sounds like I’m bossing my husband around. 

Ask, Don’t Demand

Similarly to paying attention to tone, be sure that you’re not being demanding in your requests. Yes, it is easier to just say what you mean. But depending on your partner’s mood or sensitivity level, it can also feel demeaning.

• “Take out the trash before you leave” sounds much harsher than “can you take the trash out before you leave?”
• “He doesn’t need more cookies. Feed him his broccoli” sounds much harsher than “he’s had a lot of cookies. Can we focus on dinner please?”

Snuggle

I have definitely been guilty of sitting on the opposite end of the couch and staring at my phone. Sometimes we need a little reminder that our partner notices us, and an easy way to provide that is through touch. 

Vocalize Admiration

Do you appreciate his dedication to silly voices when storytelling with the kids? Has he shown strength and maturity when dealing with a messy family matter? Are you really proud that he didn’t give up when being denied a promotion? Do you really admire his backside (and the countless hours in the gym that got it to look like that)? Tell him. Let your spouse know when you admire something he does. 

Let Them Take the Reins

If your husband is naturally good at dealing with people, let him take control of dealing with a complicated insurance issue. If he is better with managing projects, take a back seat and let him deal with housing contractors. In my house, I like fine details, so I take over the budget. Allowing each other to shine in the areas you are each good at is a fantastic way to be nice to your spouse. 

Treat Them Like a Stranger

This may sound a bit crazy, but hear me out. Would you be short with the checkout lady because she didn’t double bag your milk jug? No, probably not. Would you snap at the mechanic because there’s another thing wrong with your car? No, you’d (I hope) treat them with respect and understanding. So why would you treat your spouse, who  you chose because you actually like, in a mean way. 

Pretend You Don’t Know Each Other Well 

Remember when you were dating and you were curious about all the minute details of his life? Get curious again by pretending you don’t know that he can’t stand mayo or that he’s most likely to order a burger at any restaurant you go to. Actively try to learn and be interested in what your husband likes and dislikes. Maybe you’ll even learn something new. 

Pretend You Are Dating

While you’re pretending, try to imagine what life was like when you first started dating. You probably didn’t use the bathroom with the door open or go to bed with milk-stained oversized t-shirts. A great way to be nice to your spouse is by treating them like everything is fresh and new.

Even if you’ve had the stomach flu together and he saw you poop while giving birth, it is nice to ‘show up’ or ‘dress up’ on occasion for your spouse. Wear your hair in a style you know he likes, or bring fresh flowers for her before a date. 

Have you been nice to your spouse lately? What is something you would add to this list? Let me know in the comments below! Do me a favor and head on over to Instagram and give me a follow for weekly tips on marriage, motherhood, and homemaking.