How to Manage Toddler Temper Tantrums

How to Manage Toddler Temper Tantrums

I don’t know if you know this, but toddlers have tantrums. Like, a lot. Loud ones. Crying, screaming, throwing, and even hitting can all play a role in these toddler temper tantrums. 

So what is a mom to do when she’s overwhelmed and her toddler is freaking out yet again? Keep your cool and read on for some great tips. 

PS: If you are looking for ways to decompress and be the best mom you can be, click here. 

How to Manage Toddler Temper Tantrums

Empathize

Recognize that the feelings they are having are important to them. Just because you don’t think it’s a big deal that they are eating blueberries instead of strawberries doesn’t mean it isn’t important to them. 

Heaven knows I have had irrational reactions to seemingly small things, but in that moment, it felt huge to me. It is the same for your child. Even moreso, considering they probably don’t yet have the tools to effectively communicate their big feelings. Take a moment to put yourself in their shoes, even if the shoes feel silly to you. 

Keep Your Cool

If your toddler is freaking out and then you freak out, it will just add chaos. Instead, try to remember that your child is not doing this TO you, but rather it is about how THEY are feeling at this moment. 

If at all possible, lower the tension in the room. You can do this by sitting quietly with them while they get through the tantrum, or even laying on the floor with them. You can lower the lights and turn off any noise makers (TV, loud toys, etc…)

Give Them Space

If you are having a rough time and someone (even someone you love) comes up and tries to hold you or shush you when you don’t want to be held or shushed, it’s going to make you more upset. 

When my son is in meltdown mode, my instinct is to pull him close and shush him and hold him and give comfort. But that isn’t what my kid usually needs at that moment. He doesn’t want to be touched when he is at the peak of his tantrum. So my job is to remain calm until he is ready to talk or snuggle or listen. 

I’ve learned over time that my toddler needs space when he is melting down. Every toddler will be different, and so will their temper tantrums. I try to sit or stand nearby in case he does need me, but I allow him to move at his own pace. 

Communicate

When I notice signs of him calming, I ask if he is ready to talk or to listen. He’ll usually answer me, but if he is still wailing, I wait until he is able to communicate. Sometimes he wants to tell me what is wrong, and sometimes he needs me to talk for him. This was much more common before he had the full ability to communicate. If your toddler is not yet talking in longer sentences, it may be more useful for you. This can look like:

• Asking him why he is upset
• Letting him know that I did not know he wanted to [insert want here]
• Relating to what he is feeling eg: “It’s hard when we have to stop playing with the toy we like, isn’t it?” or “I don’t like when we have to leave the park either, but we can always come back another time.”

How to Avoid Temper Tantrums

Give them Options

Toddlers spend all day being told what to do. Give them the option to hold some power in their daily lives by giving them choices. Instead of asking what they want for breakfast (open-ended), give them the option of oatmeal or yogurt. They feel like they have some control, and will be less likely to throw a temper tantrum. 

This can be done throughout the day. Allowing your toddler to choose between two outfits, choosing what activity they want to do, If they want to potty before they clean up or after. It will give them a sense of control, but also allow them to foster independence as they get older. Check out this post on teaching your toddler to play independently. 

Give Them a Head’s Up

You wouldn’t like it if I walked up to you while you’re watching a show, turned it off and said ‘it’s time to eat dinner’. Likewise, your toddler doesn’t want to abruptly stop the activity they were doing because you said so. Let your kiddo know that dinner/bath/leaving the park is coming up soon. This gives them a warning so that they are not overwhelmed when you need them to do something. 

Because my toddler cannot tell time yet, I like to give him a number he can recognize. This can look like:

• “Hey bud, you can slide down the slide three more times, and then we are going to leave.”
• “Okay, we have time for one more book before it is time to go to bed.”
• “You can drive your car around the table two more times, and then we are all done.”

Don’t Ask a Question You Don’t Want the Answer to

If you really need to get your kiddo in the car for an appointment but she’s content playing with blocks, don’t ask her if she wants to get in the car. Let her know that it needs to happen using the tips above. 

Similarly, your kid is never going to want to eat dinner instead of playing with bubbles (or whatever). Keep a positive tone and let your child know that dinner will be happening soon, so XYZ needs to happen before then. This could be cleaning up toys, washing hands, going potty, etc.. Then enforce those actions by helping them with the task, and reminding them that the action needs to happen so that everyone can eat dinner. 

All in all, you won’t be able to avoid toddler temper tantrums. It is simply a part of your child learning, growing, and developing. However, you can certainly mitigate the wave of emotions and the outbursts that come with them. 

What are some of your favorite ways to manage toddler temper tantrums? Let me know in the comments below. You can also check out my Instagram for weekly SAHM inspiration!