How to Avoid Frustration as a Stay at Home Mom
How to Avoid Being Frustrated as a Stay at Home Mom
Last month, we had a winter storm blow in, dumping 10 inches of snow in one day. In my area, that is pretty unheard of. My city doesn’t have the infrastructure to efficiently clear the roads, so it mostly shuts down for a few days if this happens.
My husband works from home and I am a stay at home mom, so I went grocery shopping in advance and we decided to hunker down for a few days. We played in the snow, made hot chocolate and mostly just cozied up for the winter weather.
Things were going great until day four. I found myself becoming increasingly agitated at small things. I was yelling more often, grumbling, and overall becoming more and more unpleasant around my family. At one point, I snapped at my husband for jostling me on the couch when he adjusted to scratch his leg.
I don’t want to be the sort of mom who overreacts and loudly takes it out on her family. I’m sure you don’t either, which is why you’re here.
Why do Stay at Home Moms Get Frustrated?
How much time do you have? Kidding! Sort of. Some days nothing seems to go right. Other days, my clothes are too tight, my hair tie is pulling one hair just a little too hard, I keep stubbing my toe, and I’m fighting with a girlfriend. Sometimes my kiddo has a rough day, we all got too little sleep or my husband is being frustrating. No matter what the issue (or non-issue) is, it’s just enough to send me over the edge. So what’s a mom to do when emotions are high but stuff still needs to get done?
Remember Your Importance
When you become frustrated as a stay at home mom, it affects everyone and every thing in your household. You are the glue that holds your family together. You are also the grease that keeps everything running efficiently, but that’s not a very pretty metaphor is it?
Look, I get it. Some days, dinner just is not made with love. It’s made with determination and obligation, because we still have to eat, even on bad days. But that kernel of love is still there. I mean, that’s why we do this, right? right??
It can totally feel like no one notices the work you put in, but think about how many things you accomplish each day. You didn’t just take care of the baby all day. You changed ten diapers, nursed four times, washed eight bottle and pump parts, fed yourself and your husband.
Likewise, it can feel monotonous and underwhelming that you just cleaned the bathroom or dishes. But you are keeping your family healthy and happy, and that is monumental in a world that never slows down enough to notice your hard work.
What if I’m Frustrated More Than I’m Not?
What should not be happening is that you are frustrated more days than you are not. If that is the case, you need to have a sit down conversation with your husband. Figure out the source of the frustration and figure out a way to dismantle it together. Speak to a preacher, counselor, or therapist if you need to.
Schedule childcare one day each week if that break is what you need. Make sure you are taking time to take care of yourself. Ask for help if you need it. There is no shame in needing a break once in a while.
How to Avoid Being a Frustrated Stay at Home Mom
Find a Proactive Outlet
Before you get to your breaking point, you should be making time for yourself. For me, that comes in the forms of working out and writing. For you, it could be a weekly phone call with your best friend or making time for self care. Below are some helpful ideas.
Move Your Body
Not only is exercise a healthy model for your children, it is literally good for you. You know is is SO important to make sure your kiddo is getting enough exercise. So why would you assume it is any less true for yourself? If you are nurturing your little one, it is equally important to nurture yourself.
I have a girlfriend that goes to a yoga class once per week. I have another that does CrossFit with her husband. One runs half marathons, and I enjoy lifting weights. Whether it is swimming, hiking, belly dancing, group fit classes, rowing, or tai chi, find a way to move your body. It will lower stress levels and give you the bandwidth to deal with frustrating situations at home.
Find a Creative Outlet
As I mentioned above, I love writing. It allows me to be creative and release frustrations onto the page. Maybe for you creativity comes in the form of painting. Or jewelry making, woodturning, baking, pottery, making music, or cooking. Whatever artistic avenue, do it for yourself, just for the love of it. Speaking of doing something just for you…
Do Something Just For You
This can be another hobby like birdwatching or antiquing. It can be making time to read (I love reading, check out my latest obsession here!) or going for a drive without the kiddos and singing at the top of your lungs.
I know it can be difficult to find time for yourself between everything that needs to get done, but it is worth it. You are worth it. And making that time for yourself will make you happier and better able to handle stressors that come your way.
Connect With Someone
Being a stay at home mom can be isolating if you don’t make time to connect with other people. Make sure you haven’t (unintentionally) walled yourself off. I’m willing to bet there are other moms in your area that are looking for people like them just as much as you are.
Call a girlfriend or your mom. Have lunch with an old friend. Plan a playdate with another mom that you want to get to know better. Go on a date with your husband. Or better yet, do each of these once a month. I think you will find that your social circle will grow and you’ll find more contentment in the everyday grind.
You can also reach out to me here. I love making new friends, and I can definitely relate to being frustrated as a stay at home mom.
Prepare for Unusual Circumstances
If you know a snowstorm/hurricane/other natural disaster is coming, get to the grocery store. Top off your car with fuel. Grab salt to de-ice the driveway. Get your generator ready or gather extra wood for the wood stove.
Have a no power kit ready. This can include a camping stove and fuel, non perishables, and games or puzzles to keep the kiddos entertained.
Remember to Take Breaks
It can be incredibly frustrating when you are with your family 24/7 for days on end. Schedule breaks that you would normally get during a regular week. If you have downtime during nap time but your husband is home, don’t feel guilty for taking that time to yourself.
Trade off with your husband when you need a break. If you are both at home and he is not working due to weather or unforeseen circumstances, have Dad take the reins while you get a much deserved break.
Stick to Your Regular Schedule
…as much as possible. If you normally go to the gym at 9am, make sure your kiddo is well occupied (or include them) while you work out at home.
If you normally go to a mommy and me or sing along in the afternoon, include it in your afternoon, with just you and the kiddo.
What is Not Proactive?
- Sitting on the couch watching TV. You are going to get frustrated quicker. While it may seem like you are getting downtime, your kiddo is going to get restless and listen less if their screen time is doubling or tripling while you are stuck at home.
- Complaining. While it is important to air your frustrations, be mindful that you are not constantly venting. It can wear on your family members if you become increasingly negative. Make sure it is constructive and not degrading or harmful.
- Holding it in. You will grow resentful and sullen if you don’t express concerns or frustrations. Like I mentioned above, be constructive, and don’t hide your frustrations. Communication is incredibly important in marriages.
What to Do if You are Already Frustrated
Pull Back
Stop the action that is causing turmoil. If your kid is yelling and your response is to yell right back, it’s only going to escalate. You cannot correct their bad behavior without addressing your own. Even if you realize mid-yell that your actions are not appropriate, stop.
It can be incredibly hard, but it will only get worse if you keep amping up the volume.
Take Deep Breaths
I actually practice a breathing exercise with my toddler when he is upset and overwhelmed. Right now, it is a simple ‘take a big breath, hold it, blow it out,’ but you can adjust for whatever works with your child.
When you are overwhelmed, taking a deep breath can be cathartic for you as well. Take a moment to regulate your breathing and give the tension a chance to simmer down. This always helps to calm me and gives me a chance to rethink my actions before lashing out.
Apologize if You Lash Out
It is incredibly important for our children to hear us admit when we are wrong or mess up. You may think that your child won’t remember and you should just move on, but you are creating lasting behavioral patterns that can affect them later on.
If you want your child to be able to apologize as an adult, start by modeling the behavior when they are small. You may just keep your daughter from one day becoming a frustrated stay at home mom.
Bring Everything Down
As I mentioned above, if you are matching your kid’s loud and abrasive actions, it is going to escalate. Instead, try lowering your voice. It may take several tries but eventually your child should notice that you aren’t going tit for tat. This allows them to process that yelling is not the best way to get your attention.
Lower or turn off the lights, put on calming music, get on the floor and cuddle them. Sing songs quietly while they regulate their body. Not only will it allow the kiddo to decompress, you will be able to as well.
Recap:
- Remember your importance
- Speak to someone if you are frustrated
- Find proactive outlets
- Prepare for unusual circumstances
- Take breaks
- Acknowledge when you are overwhelmed
Remember, you are the reason your household runs well. Stay at home moms have a lot on their plates and it is understandable to be frustrated sometimes. Make sure you are taking steps to create the best possible environment for yourself and your family.
Have you been frustrated as a stay at home mom? What did you do to get out of that funk? Let me know in the comments below what worked for you!
