How to Teach Your Child to Play Independently
How to Teach Your Child to Play Independently
As stay at home moms, we get a LOT of one on one time with our kiddos. This is such a blessing, but it can lead to over-attachment and an inability to get your to do’s accomplished. So what do you do when you need your child to entertain themselves (without a screen or you sitting within arm’s reach)? Teach them to independently play. Today I’m going to talk about the virtues of independent play and how to get your child to do so.
What is Independent Play?
Independent play is just what it sounds like: your child playing independently. That means without interaction from adult or other children.
This could be reading or looking at cardboard books. It could mean imaginative play such as building with blocks or trains or pretend food. It could be coloring or playing with play doh.
However your child chooses to play, doing so independently for at least a small portion of each day can be tremendous for growth.
The Importance of Independent Play
Teaching your child to play independently is important for so many reasons. Let’s take a look at a few.
It Teaches Independence
By not relying on others for entertainment, your child develops the ability to entertain themselves. This is great practice for when they get older. Preteens and teens who need excessive outside validation have a harder time being comfortable with silence, and tend to be people pleasers to their own detriment. Source: Me, ages 12-present.
It also allows them to problem solve. If you are right next to them at all times, it can lead to your child relying on you to fix their problems, such as when their tower falls over or they are trying to work on fine or gross motor skills. By giving them space, you are also allowing them to figure it out on their own.
It Teaches Patience
If your daughter knows she cannot do her craft until you come back from doing the dishes, she might be upset. But if you consistently encourage patience and remind her that you will come back, and she will get to do her activity, she can learn to wait. By meeting her expectations (e.g. getting to do her craft after kitchen clean up), she will come to understand that your work is important, but still feel heard.
It Allows You to Get Stuff Done
Let’s face it, things just take longer with a toddler around. If you are splitting your time between play and cleaning, you’ll have an even slimmer margin to get everything accomplished. By teaching your child to play independently, you will have more and more time to manage your household.
It is a Great Introduction to Quiet Time
Eventually your toddler will stop napping. And when they do, quiet time is a great alternative. This is a period of time during the day (possibly during your younger child’s nap) where you toddler can settle their body and ‘recharge.’ Stay tuned for a post on how to incorporate quiet time into your routine.
How to Introduce Independent Play
I started when my son was about a year old, but this guide can be used with babies or toddlers.
Don’t Interrupt
I started by letting him play with me nearby. When I noticed he was focused on a particular toy or task, I didn’t interrupt. It can be tempting to jump in with a ‘good job,’ or ‘look how it lights up when you press the button,’ or what have you. Try to refrain.
By breaking your child’s concentration, she is more likely to get distracted, give up, or ask for assistance. This silence is not a form of ignoring, but rather encouraging. You’ll notice over time that your child is able to either figure out the problem, or last longer before ‘needing’ you to fix it or entertain her.
Create Distance
Once my son was old enough to be engrossed by a toy, I allowed him to explore while I was still nearby, but not touching. If he brought a toy to me, great. I would interact and join in. But if he played without inviting me in, I didn’t invite myself into his play.
After a couple of weeks of him playing next to me, I started sitting a little bit father away. So this could mean moving to the opposite wall of the playroom, or even just shifting a few feet away from your child. He may notice you are farther away, and that is normal. Just reassure him that you are still there, and encourage him to keep playing.
It helps if you can find imaginative toys that really grab their attention. Here are a few that my son has really enjoyed:
I continued this behavior for another week or so, until my son was comfortable with the distance. Then I began moving father away. This means something like:
- Elevating yourself – move into the nursing chair while your child plays on the floor
- Leaving the room for short periods – use the bathroom, move the laundry over, etc…
You may experience some push back or even tears when you move out of the room, and that is okay. it might be hard, but your child will adapt to the changes.
Start Doing Tasks in Front of Your Child
Put away your child’s clothes while he plays in his room, or clean the windows. Tidy the playroom and ask for her assistance. Once she gets comfortable with you moving around her, rather than sitting at her side, you can move on to other rooms.
Once your child is comfortable with you coming in or our of the area they are in, invite them to help you in other rooms. Ask you child to help move the laundry from the dryer to your bed. As you fold and put away clothing, have your kiddo play on your bedroom floor. You child will start associating household tasks with movement and play, allowing you to get more done.
Leave for Longer Periods
Once your child had gotten comfortable with the idea of you leaving the room, you can start lengthening the amount of time you allow your child to play independently. I can now leave my 2.5 year old in his playroom for twenty minutes while I am cooking dinner. He could probably go longer, but that is usually about the time I go to check on him.
PSA: If you are potty training, be wary of leaving your child sans diaper for twenty minutes. Trust me, it is enough time to wreak havoc on your play room floors!
It is also helpful if the area your child is playing in is within talking/yelling distance from where you are cleaning or cooking. My son can yell from the playroom if he needs to go potty, or to just ask me a question. I still consider this independent play because I am able to accomplish my tasks while he entertains himself. Toddlers just like asking questions!
Remember that this will take several weeks or more. Especially before your child has the vocabulary to express themselves, they use crying as a tool to explain their emotions. Be patient, and pivot if you feel that your child needs more time.
Have you transitioned your child to playing independently? What are some barriers you ran into?
Great post Kelli! Having your child play independently means having no interaction from adults or other children. This is the foundation to becoming a stable thinking adult. Thanks for addressing this issue!